Oh, There You Are, Perry
by DoublyToxicWaste
Summary: There is a significant difference between being willing to do anything, and being capable of doing anything. Unfortunately, this distinction is not always immediately visible. Sometimes, Candace finds to easy to forget that.


The disc of the noonday sun was yet faintly visible through the choking layers of smog clogging up the sky. Decrepit buildings towered up around the potholed roads, casting long, distinctly eerie shadows across the ground.

The wind whistled along the deserted streets, past trees with their branches trapped tightly against their trunks by those wide metal bands, their canopies thin and tinted with only the faintest shade of green beneath the smothering layers of rank chemicals drifting in the air.

Aside from the garbage rustling as the breeze stirred it across the surface of the asphalt, the only real signs of life to be seen were the ones Candace created herself as she trekked through the streets, careful to remain in the shadows of the buildings stacked up around her.

There, the black of her bodysuit would help keep her unseen from Doofenshmirtz's prowling eyes in the sky, which were troublesome everywhere, and would only get progressively denser as she traveled closer and closer to the city center – to his opulent palaces of evil.

She had but one mission in mind for treading so close to such a hotspot of danger: Doofenshmirtz. More specifically, that he was going down, down, down.

A nearly month-long search had at last led to her uncovering the location of the abandoned Danville Sewer and Water Facility. It hadn't been easy, considering all the reading of tattered city municipal sketches that it'd involved, reading being something that she'd never had the chance to finish learning, not before Doofenshmirtz had risen and declared that he wanted the populace dumb and uneducated, and thus, that there would be no more education for anyone.

But ever since she'd stumbled across the condemned sewer substation on the corner of Fourth and Main and found those sketches inside some cobweb-ridden locker, she'd known there'd been something important in them, and probably something that would result in giving her that edge she needed to infiltrate Doofenshmirtz's compounds, to find where he was hiding, to run him through and make him pay for the things he'd done to this city – to her family – to her brothers.

And for that sort of information, she was willing to sit up nights after curfew painstakingly sounding out words like 'mun-ici-pal' and 'de-hyd-ration' and 'sani-tiz-ation' until she died of old age. Which, considering that she had four months yet till she turned fourteen, would've been a long time indeed.

It'd been worth it. The sketches had pinpointed her the location of the main sewer facility. The pipes would all be mostly empty by now, Doofenshmirtz having cut off the running water years ago in an effort to make the people even more dependent on his cursed ration trains.

There was a chance that move would be his downfall. The pipes would be empty, and she had only to follow the sketches' map of the underground pipes, taking her safely underground right beneath the palace. She would pop up from some long-forgotten manhole, find that wretched excuse for a human being, and she -

And she would kill him.

The thing in her hand that functioned as her weapon wasn't much. The pole from a street sign she'd ripped out of the ground and torn the sign off of, the hardest, most resilient thing she'd been yet able to find in all her searching. It was heavy for its size, and a little awkward to swing around.

But it hadn't broken yet, even though it'd been the instrument of demise for dozens and dozens of NORMbots. And it'd work just as well on him, too, for he was… less than human. But also less than NORMbot, and there was little that would protect him from her when she finally found him.

She stopped abruptly, peering down the nearest alleyway, just as dingy and nondescript as the rest of them – its only defining feature being the faded paint marked across the wall of one of the buildings bordering it.

Much practice had taught her this word. 'Sanitation'. This was the place, no doubt.

Her grip on the metal pole tightened as she turned into the alley. The doorway into the sanitation building was boarded up, of course, the boards plastered over with an official-looking seal stamped with several very long words that she couldn't read and couldn't be bothered to sound out.

She swung the pole as hard as she could at the sorry-looking boards, and they practically crumbled to dust the second it touched them, raising a deafening clatter as the shattered pieces crumbled to the ground. Only the door was still between her and the inside now.

Gritting her teeth preemptively, she kicked at the knob, and the ancient wood of the frame splintered under the force of the blow, letting the door swing back inside freely. Ow.

It was dark in there, with hardly a single ray of sunlight able to struggle through the boarded-up windows. This was when those candles tucked into her belt would come in handy, because it was only going to get darker when she headed underground.

Before she got to chance to pull them or the matches out, though, another sound – a voice – cut through the silence behind her.

" **Traveling in a restricted area is impermissible. For this, you will be destroyed.** "

Candace cursed under her breath. The sound of her forced entry hadn't gone unnoticed after all. She straightened, waiting for the humming of the- now.

Ducking and darting to the left, she could only just see the plasma bolt tracing a burning path through the air where she'd been standing, crashing into the far wall with an ear-splitting crack. There would be a few seconds while the cannon recharged.

" **You are an enemy of the state** ," the NORMbot blared, floating backwards as she ran towards it. " **For this, you will be destroyed.** "

I don't think so. She ran faster than the robot could evade anyway. Ran faster and stuck out one end of her pole, letting it catch on something sticking out of floor. The metal bent under her weight as she vaulted over its end, her heel catching the NORMbot squarely in the 'head'.

The bulky robot bobbed back madly at the impact, sending its second shot wildly off into the roof somewhere. Chunks of wood and concrete rained down as she landed in front of it, raising the street sign pole high over her head. Letting out an almost inhuman yell from the effort, she drove it downwards as hard as she could muster.

There was the screech of metal rending as the pole plunged through layers of armor above and whatever horrendous Doofen-tech was below alike. Sparks flew and Candace's hair stood on end. Putting one foot on the metal body of the machine, she yanked the pole clean out again.

" **You are an enemy of the state. For this, you – you – you – you -** "

Her lungs were burning, and concrete dust from the roof was making her eyes run with tears. She gripped the pole like some kind of giant bat, both hands sliding down it's length towards one end. Spinning in place, she swung it around and connected with a tremendous clanging. The robot shot backwards across the length of the room.

It crashed into the far wall, the red light behind it's visor plating slowly fading.

" **You are an enemy oooooooooooo** ooooo..."

The hover plate on its bottom gave out. With an echoing crash, the robot landed on the floor, the glow of the plasma cannon barrel flickering uselessly, sparks still shooting from the gaping hole in its innards.

Candace allowed herself a grim smile.

Then she blinked, waving her arm in front of her face, coughing and spluttering at the concrete dust drifting through the air. There was smoke, too, from somewhere. It was kind of difficult to breathe, and she coughed again.

Where was the sewer entrance? It had to be in here somewhere. This was the sanitation facility, right? It'd said 'sanitation' on the building, she knew that word, she knew it'd said that. Was there a story below this? There had to be, she'd just have to find the stairs or the ladder or whatever else, to get down. The sewer entrance was around here somewhere, it had to be?

She stepped outside again and looked up at the words painted above the door. They were so faded it was difficult to read, but were still faintly legible. 'Danville… something… and Sewer, uh, De-part-ment. A single letter 'o' and then the word 'sanitation', just as she'd thought.

There was a sudden sound behind her, something rustling, something wrong. She tensed up, snapping her head around, tightening her grip on the sign pole. NORMbots were annoying, but as long as they came one at a time, it was no worry.

There was a footstep.

Something was wrong. NORMbots didn't step, they hovered. Completely silent.

Candace's eyes widened behind the smoked lenses of her sunglasses. Was that- no, it wasn't possible? Was it? Was it?

It was… Perry?

Wasn't he dead? He'd been missing for years now. Death was an everyday occurrence around here – she'd just assumed the animal had met an untimely end somewhere along the line.

He was back from the dead now, his body completely covered with metal, like some boxy suit of armor, completely hiding the teal fur that she knew was beneath it. Even his tail wasn't exempt, covered in metal and tipped with a jagged point.

The platypus' eyes were narrow, hard. Full of ill intent. Before either of them had so much as moved a muscle, she knew that, whatever had happened, this wasn't the same stupid, useless pet her brothers had once had.

What had Doofenshmirtz done? Raised him from the dead? Something worse?

It didn't matter.

Candace's eyes narrowed to slits matching those of the animal. "I don't know what Doofenshmirtz did to you," she growled. "But you mess with me, and I will run you through." She moved her pole to a vaguely defensive position in front of her chest.

For a moment more, there was absolute stillness, and she thought the animal might even back down.

There was a burst of blistering movement. He leapt towards her, one foot outstretched. She jerked back, he flew past, impacting the concrete behind her. A dent was left behind as he dropped to the ground again.

Note to self: Do not get hit. It wasn't a necessary warning. She swung the pole with all her might. Perry rolled to the left, letting it fly uselessly over his head, and was back on the offense in a moment.

Recovering from the swing only just in time, she lifted the pole just in time to absorb a punch that had been aimed towards her face.

That'll slow him down.

It didn't.

Another punch, blocked. Another kick, dodged. Candace was matching him, blow for blow, letting not a single strike through her guard. The power behind the blows was immense, each one leaving dents in her pole, each one sending her staggering. The onslaught was non-stop, forcing her a step back, then another.

The smell of playypus – one she hadn't smelled in a long time – assaulted her nostrils, mixing with the sweat running down her face in an intense over-salty pungency.

And he kept coming.

She'd have to take a risk if she wanted to go on the offensive. It was the only way to win. The end of the alleyway was only a few feet behind her now.

Another punch, a spin in midair, a flying kick. She dodged to the side, flattening against the wall. That little webbed foot passed within inches of her face again. Grimly, she set her teeth and gripped her weapon tighter.

Swing. He dodged to the right, the pole banging into the hard ground. Swing. He dodged to the left. Swing. He – shot upwards in the air? Wait, he could do that? Oh well, that was better anyway. He was floating at NORMbot height now. Rearing as far as back as she could twist, she swung one last time.

It connected.

The piece of metal caught the platypus just in the middle of his own metal chestplate, sending him sailing into one of the alley walls. Particles of brick flew in all directions. The animal was stunned. Time to make good on her warning.

Drawing back, she drove the pipe forwards as hard as she could. The very wall crumbled at the blow, leaving a round impression in the plaster behind. But Perry had rolled to the side, letting all the force slide harmlessly by.

He looked _pissed_.

"Back off, you freak of nature," Candace muttered, blinking the sweat out of her eyes, panting from the exertion. "I will kill you. I can promise you that."

Perry made that chattering sound, and his entire right arm disappeared. A mace popped out in its place, spinning rapidly. Wait, what? Doofen-tech, it had to be. The sign post in her hands seemed less impressive compared to that.

But she thought of her brothers, of what this hideous creation of evil would do to them if she let it, and suddenly she knew it would be enough.

He was flying at her again, spinning mace outstretched. Up went the metal pole, absorbing the force of blow. Snap went the metal pole, abruptly torn in half by the weapon, it's halves rent in twain like tissue paper.

The separated pieces of metal lashed backwards into her face. Something very hard hit just beneath her nose. She stumbled backwards, pain exploding in her face, the broken street sign clattering to the ground. The taste of blood was creeping into her mouth again.

Another lash out with that spinning mace. She rolled to the side, letting it slam into the ground, then staggered to her feet, raising her fists into the air.

"Come at me," she spat. "I will rip you apart." Droplets of blood flew out along with the rest of her spittle, spattering on the animal. It didn't seem to faze him.

The platypus chattered again, jumping at her. She ran the other way, letting the flying kick pass by dangerously close to her right ear, slamming into the wall behind her.

Somehow he recovered faster than she did. She could hear the whistling of that mace when she turned around. There was only time for half a roll. The spinning mace missed, but his metal-encased head rammed squarely into her stomach, knocking her breath out in an instant. Something in her chest gave way with an excruciatingly loud snap.

Perry staggered backwards, too. The only thing that saved her life. Speaking of her life, if she wanted to keep it, then she had to run. Right now.

Not right now.

He was back on his feet, lifting into the air with that stupid jetpack. Candace lifted her fists again, scowling angrily. The metal taste on her tongue mingled with her saliva running down her throat.

He flew at her. A dodge, he flew past. She could feel her energy sapping with the blood running down her face. She didn't have much time left. Another flying pass. She grabbed his tail as he shot by.

Her grip was slick with blood, but it was powered by desperation, her fingers digging deep into the webbing. They slid, but didn't slide off. He chattered angrily as she spun around and around and around.

And let go.

A teal streak, sailing off into a nearby wall, slamming into it, raising a massive dust cloud. Candace turned and ran. Stumbled off down the alleyway, out it, onto the main road, her chest heaving, something rattling about inside her as she tried to breathe.

She'd not gotten too far when the sound of that blasted jetpack became audible over the buzzing in her ears. She dared not look over her shoulder. Just run. Run. She had to get away. If she didn't, who would dethrone Doofenshmirtz? Who would protect her brothers from harm?

It wasn't an option.

She tripped on something – on the lip of a manhole in the street. Ow! Her ankle shot out from under her, bending all the wrong direction. The jetpack buzzing was getting closer. She could hear him chattering again.

The manhole cover.

Her fingers scrambled over the smooth metal surface, hunting for that edge. There it was. Sucking in a breath, she dragged herself to her feet, her ankle screaming at her, swinging the heavy piece of metal around as hard as she could-

 _BOOOOOONG_

The vibrations about ripped the cover straight out of her trembling fingers. He'd – he'd flown straight into it. Headfirst, and rocked back, now, looking utterly dazed. Now was her chance. Lifting the cover high above her head, she brought it down straight on his head.

He dodged.

Not all the way.

The lip of the manhole cover caught the end of his tail, crashing to the ground, dragging the animal down from the air with it.

No time to think. No time. No time. The world was starting to get awfully distant. Candace turned, she ran. Ran as she'd never run, ignoring whatever was going on with her chest, ignoring every step stabbing fresh agony into her ankle.

A turn, here. A turn, there. There was another manhole cover here. It would have to be enough. Summoning the last ounces of her strength, she lifted it up and looked down at the ladder dropping off into the blackness beneath. She couldn't see the bottom.

No time to hesitate. Clinging onto the ladder with one hand, she lifted the cover back into place overhead, plunging the sewer into darkness. Putrid darkness.

There was the ground. It was wet. There was at least an inch of water.

Candace collapsed into a heap on the sewer floor, panting, hurting, exhausted beyond all belief. She leaned her head back against the sewer wall, scooting back until she could recline her whole body against it.

"I'll – I'll – ow." She coughed and sniffled. "I'm not giving up, Doofenshmirtz," she croaked. "Your day will come. And believe me, for every ounce of this, you will pay. Dearly." She groaned, relapsing into utter silence.

Well, better her than her brothers anyway.

She'd wait. Wait for the bleeding to stop. Wash away the dried stuff in the sewer's water, let herself collect enough strength to endure walking home on the bad ankle. As far as they were concerned, nothing had happened, nor ever would happen, even as she inwardly steeled herself against the days of convalescence awaiting her at home.

Nothing at all.

She had long ago made her decision. This was why she fought, why she resisted.

This was not the world in which they were allowed to live.


End file.
